Posted by: janya | December 3, 2008

Too committed in romance?

I read an interesting article today about commitment in relationships. Apparently “Individuals with high levels of RCSE are very committed to their relationships, but they also find themselves… devastated when something goes wrong — even a relatively minor event”.

Now what is RCSE? When one or both partners place too much emotional weight on their relationship, they tend to evaluate their self-worth solely based on the outcomes of their romantic interactions. This is what psychologists call relationship-contingent self-esteem (RCSE).

Now, coming back to the statement above, I noticed it in certain relationships I know of. One person puts in a lot and when things go wrong, he/she gets upset that they didn’t get back enough or they are not appreciated enough. This hurts them more, when there is a breakup. If only they understood that they themselves are priority over others.

In a way, I have seen a similarity in relationship between parents and their children. A mother (or father) puts all her life into her kids expecting nothing back. Just like any mother, she expects everything to go very well with them. But this is life we are talking about and it doesn’t go as we expect. When kids leave her or when they are experiencing hardships, she goes into depression wondering why this happened to her kids. Instead, if she focused on her own happiness to at least certain extent, it wouldn’t depress her a lot. This could give her better understanding that life is not all about hardships, but surely her kids had/will_have fun times too.

Well, I have given this advice to a friend of mine a while back and she started spending some time on herself. She says she feels good when she does that as she is able to have fun on her own without affecting her time for her kids.



  1. good one Janya. Keep these posts coming. Often times it is the awareness that people lack a lot on understanding what’s happening within themselves and around. we need more people like to be around to enlighten us!

  2. Thank you Yasmine. Will continue to share whatever i have.

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